Thursday, 9 February 2017

Latest Funny Jokes 2017

                           Latest Funny Jokes 2017


A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Little Johnny what is your problem?"

Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough.

She took Little Johnny to the principal's office.

While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

The teacher agreed.

Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Little Johnny: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Little Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Little Johnny both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Little Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Little Johnny replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Little Johnny: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Little Johnny: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Little Johnny was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Little Johnny: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Little Johnny: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Little Johnny: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Little Johnny: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Little Johnny: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Little Johnny: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Little Johnny: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?
Little Johnny: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."



The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.'
A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?'
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.'
The smart-aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.'
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.
The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.
After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.'


एक लड़की पहली बार सिनेमा हॉल में मूवी देखने गयी,

लड़की - एक टिकट देना,

टिकट वाला - सॉरी मैम,

लड़की - क्या हुआ?

टिकट वाला - मैम आप लेट हो गयीं,
हाउसफुल हो चुका है,

लड़की - ओके , चलो कोई बात नहीं,
आप ऐसा करो मूवी पेनड्राइव में डाल दो :) :)


भोली भाली पत्नियों का सबसे सुंदर डायलॉग...

पीते नहीं हैं जी वो.....दरअसल दोस्त ही नालायक हैं उनके।

लेकिन उसे क्या मालूम कि, अपना गंगाधर ही शक्तिमान है।😜


 👩           👧

दो महिलाऐं बात कर रही थी

पहली :- "कहाँ तक पढ़ी हो बहन ?"

दूसरी बोली:
पहले B.A किया, फिर M.A किया,
और फिर उसके बाद B.C.S हो गया।

पहली :- ये B. C. S क्या होता है ?

दूसरी :- "बाई चाली सासरीये.!"



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