Saturday, 18 February 2017

Latest Funny Jokes 2017

                             Latest Funny Jokes 2017

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

There were these twin sisters simply handing one hundred years of age over St. Luke's Nursing Home and the supervisor of the Cambridge cloth, "The Cambridge Distorter," advised a picture taker to get over there and take the photos of these 100 year old twin bitteys.

One of the twins was nearly deaf and the other could hear great.

The picture taker requesting that they sit on the couch and the hard of hearing one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

He stated, "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Presently get somewhat nearer together," said the cameraman.

Once more, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they squirmed up near each other.

"Simply hang on for somewhat more, I must concentration a bit," said the        picture taker.

Once more, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"


With a major smile the hard of hearing twin yelled out, "Gracious MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"


Legal advisors ought to never ask a Southern grandmother a question on the off chance that they aren't set up for the appropriate response. In a trial, a Southern residential community arraigning lawyer called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly lady to the stand.

He moved toward her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She reacted, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young man, and in all honesty, you've been a major frustration to me. You lie, you undermine your significant other, and you control individuals and discuss them behind their backs. You believe you're a big cheese when you haven't the brains to acknowledge you never will add up to much else besides a no-account paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The legal advisor was paralyzed! Not comprehending what else to do, he pointed over the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the protection lawyer?"

She again answered, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was an adolescent, as well. He's lethargic, extremist, and he has a drinking issue. He can't manufacture a typical association with anybody and his law practice is one of the most exceedingly awful in the whole state. Also he undermined his significant other with three unique ladies. One of them was your better half. Yes, I know him."

The resistance lawyer practically kicked the bucket.

The judge requested that both advisors approach the seat and, in a tranquil voice, stated, "If both of you imbeciles inquires as to whether she knows me, I'll send you to the hot seat.

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