Sunday, 16 July 2017

Latest Funny Jokes 2017

                                   Latest Funny Jokes 2017

CLASSIC…just  enjoy….Two Old ladies smokingCAMEL brand cigarettes..When it starts raining,,1 lady pulls out a condom,,cuts off the end,,puts it over her cigaretteand continues smoking !2nd lady: What's that?1st lady: Condomthis way my cigarettedoesn't get wet !Next day the 2nd ladygoes to the chemistand asks for condom..The Chemist looks at herstrangely (she's over 80 yrs).. But politely askswhat brand she prefers!Lady: It doesn't matteras long as it fits the Camel!Chemist fainted..



An Engineer went to Police Station for filing report for his missing wife.Engineer: I lost my wife, Misty. She went for shopping and still not reached home yet.Inspector: What is her height?Engineer: I never noticed.Inspector: Slim or healthy ?Engineer: Not slim can be healthy.Inspector: Color of eyes?Engineer: Never noticedInspector: Color of hair?Engineer: Changes according to season.Inspector: What was she wearing?Engineer: Sari/suit/ I don’t remember exactly.Inspector: Was she going in a car ?Engineer: yes!Inspector: Tell me the number, name and color of the car.Engineer: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door  …. And then the engineer started crying…..Inspector: Don't worry sir, hum gaadi dhoond lenge.


- Hello! Gordon's pizza?

- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?" Sorry
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please
- Well sir, you want the usual?"
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage,         and thick crust.
- OK! This is it ...
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."
- How do you know?
- We crossed the number of your fixed line
with your name, through the subscribers guide.
  We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza!, I already take medicine ...
-"Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months     ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drug sale Network.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It's not showing on your credit card statement
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.
"I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.
- Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
"I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago

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